The Love of a Grandmother

Wrote on Oct. 19th 2018:

I haven't posted a blog in over a two and half years, but today I find myself sitting in the critical care next to my grandma Darkey with the unknowing feeling if she is "coming or going". This isn't the first time I have sat in this hospital by her bedside, because she was in this same place just 10 months ago. However, just like last time, I have no clue if this will be the last time I see her on this earth or not.

To add a cherry on top of this pretty sad sundae, as I found myself driving to Michigan today, I remembered that I made this same drive to Michigan exactly 3 year ago today to start planning my dad's funeral. Needless to say, mid-October is always going to be a hard me (and my family).

I know my dad's passing has been very hard on my grandma, because as a parent you never want to bury your own children. This sadness is just compounded on not having my grandpa around. Even though it's been over 17 years since my grandpa passed away, grandma has told me on a number occasions how much she misses "dad". I guess referring to my grandpa as "dad" when talking to her kids for all those years just made the name stuck.

Even though I know my grandma always thinks she not "doing enough" for us, that can't be the further from the truth. Even though I live two states away, she still finds ways to spoil my kids with new clothes or toys very often. In return, I try my best to make her day by posting a photo or video of the boys to Facebook, or making sure I call her at least once a week.

When talking about someone you love, it can sometimes be hard to part it into words the impact that they have made on your life- and when it comes to my grandma that rings very true. However, when the day comes that she gets to join my dad and grandpa in the afterlife, she will always live on in my life in a few special ways:

1. Our Engagement Ring.

As a young girl, I always thought her diamond was always so beautiful and I would often "ooh and aah" over it. I can't remember my exact age but many years before I got married, she told me that I could have her diamond because "I'm not going to be buried with it just to have someone dig me up to take it". So with that, comes another great story, of when Sam was trying to be sneaky and ask for the ring so he could propose to me but that went to hell when my grandma call me and ask "I saw I had a missed call from Sam, do you know what he wanted?". A few weeks later when I took a trip to Michigan with my sister, at lunch grandma handed both Karen and I graduation cards and then she hands me a pill bottle with my engagement ring in it and says "and this is for Sam".

2. Joseph Patrick

Since my last blog post, a lot has changed, including baby #2- Joseph Patrick. Being that we are big into naming our kids after people- Joseph Patrick is named after Sam's bother Joe (who was named after Sam's dad's Uncle Joe); and Patrick comes from a combination of my grandma who always goes by Pat (or Patty) and my dad who always went by Rick. I think grandma gets a kick out of having Joey named after her, and she is the one of few people who sometimes calls him "JP".

Now that I have been here working on this post on and off for the past few hours, and I seeing my grandma so helpless breaks my heart. And I know that I when I go home, I'm going to hug my boys a little tighter tonight because - well I can! Enjoy the time you get with your loved ones because time is one of the few things you can't buy more of.


Update: November 18th-

This last month has been a long road for my grandma, but she is now home and seems to be doing ok. Its hard living so far away but I'm still trying to make the effort to keep on checking in on her and her progress.

Also, I debated if I was going to posted this post, but I think it's important (because my grandma is/ was one of my biggest fans of my blog) for her to know/ read how special of a person she really is in my life. These types of declarations are often said after the person is gone and it's too late, but being Thanksgiving is this week- I think this is a prefect time to say to the world how thankful I am to have my grandma in my life.


Grandma- 
I love you so much! I love your sass, your kind heart, and your down to earth way about you. You underestimate your strength but you are one of the biggest strongest people I know. Also, even though I know you don't believe it, you have impacted so many peoples lives for the better. Many many people have said things or told me stories about how you helped them in one way or another. You are always giving to others but you always have a hard time getting/ taking- so I hope this "gift" is one that you can cherish this Thanksgiving (and forever). 
And like I always make sure I say before I hang up on our phone calls-  I love you! 
Love ~Stacy 

How I got to this point- My Weight Lose Journey

If you are a long time reader of my blog, you know the long road I went through to lose over 40 pounds before I got pregnant with Sammy Jay. If you are newer around here, let me recap what the last few years have looked like.

Back in 2013, I finally hit a breaking point with my weight. I was over 190 pounds and I just was unhappy in many ways, so I knew something had to change. Here are some pictures from back then-

However, there was a time in my life that I really felt great about my body. Way back in 2006, I was a young college girl who just wanted to look good for her boyfriend who was away at college. I was working out almost 7 days a week because I didn't have too much of a social life being I lived at home and went to community college. During that time, I got down to the lowest weight I can really remember- 140. This is a picture from back then-

So from 2006 to 2013- I gained a total of 50+ pounds! Over 7 years, you don't really notice a few pounds here and there over the years, but they just kept adding up!

What really kicked my butt into gear- I'm not really sure but there were some factors that helped. First, I told myself once I got a smartphone, I would download a weight tracking app and would use it. Second, I missed wearing bikinis! At some point I realized that I didn't like what I saw when I wore them and I started buying tankinis to cover my mid-section. Lastly, I wanted to lose some weight before I got pregnant. I knew babies were in my future and I wanted to be the healthiest I could before that happened.

So with one really good year of hard work came 2014 and I was able to rock my bikini again!

Well little did I know during that vacation I was a few week pregnant already! So this are a very short lived moment in time. 

I had Sammy Jay in the November 2014, and the last thing on my mind was my weight or body. I was just trying to strive with a newborn and find my new routine. I also told myself that I wouldn't stress about my weight while I was breastfeeding because I didn't need anything else on my plate at that time.

After a full year of breastfeed, I was DONE! But being Sammy wasn't fully off the "juice" until about Thanksgiving, I found myself in the middle of the holiday season- which is just not a good time to start watching your weight. So like most people, my weight lose journey this year was a New Year's resolution. 

So here I find myself at today's weight-

Over a pound heavier than last week! Not what I wanted to see. However, like I said before- sometimes you have to take the small victories. So my victories from last week-

1. I worked out 5 times last week!
2. I logged my food in MyFitnessPal one day more than the week before!
3. I completed my "Body Back Boost"

You win some- you lose some! But I'm keeping my head up and I'm going to try to make this week better than last!

Body Back- 1st Week Done!

My first full week of "Body Back" is in the books. How did it go? Well...

I started out strong. I made it to the gym on Tuesday and did a 45 minutes of cardio!

Then Wednesday happen- which is the day I went out to lunch with a coworker to a pizza buffet. Now, if we want to talk about small victories- at least while I was at the buffet I ordered a water instead of the Pepsi that I normally get. Got to look at the glass half full - of water!

Then came the weekend- on Saturday I had to work, so I missed my normal Stroller Stride class which meant I didn't get that workout in. Then come Saturday night, we had friends over where we ate pizza and lots of cookies. So a bit of a fail for Saturday all around.

On Sunday, I went to a baby shower where I ate SO MUCH FOOD!! By the end of the shower I thought I could be the one having a baby with how full I was.

However, to get back on track, Sunday night I worked on packing healthy lunches for the start of the week (for the hubby, lil man, and me). So I'm just trying to make this week better than last. All you can do is take it one day at a time, and some time a small victory is still worth celebrating! Below is my weight from last Tuesday to today-

Hey- I'll take a 1/2 pound! Plus, I already started working on this week's plank challenge and got 2 minutes complete! My goal is just to keep working on doing a little better every day and every week.

Finding the Motivation Again!

Hey Everyone! Believe or not my blog still exists even though it's been months since I last touch it- sorry about that. I've been trying to find the motivation to check off some of the harder things on my "30 Things While I'm 30" list, and I hoping my workout group I joined will be the boost I need to get a few of those things done!

I joined a "Body Back" class which is part of the Fit4Mom program. Basically it is a kick-your-butt hour long workout, that comes with meal planning, weekly weight-ins, and tons of accountability built in for any mom at any stage of motherhood! I'm very excited, but I'm also nervous because nothing so far has really got me back on my weight-loss/ fitness goals like I was hoping. However, I have faith I can make this work as long as I really give it my all and try!

Below is what I'm calling my "motivation picture" which was taken in March 2014 during my vacation in Cancun!

  

This was taken at my lowest weight since high school. It was also taken right before I found out I was pregnant with Sammy, so this was a very short lived weight/ body shape. 

As another thing to check off my "30 while 30" list, Sam and I have booked another trip to Cancun in October of this year for our 5th wedding (15th dating/together) anniversary! So I really have some hard work ahead of me for the next 6 months so I can be back to this point. 

The plan is start logging my food again (I'll probably do MyFitnessPal because I already have it all set up) and try to keep up with the workouts/ challenges the program has built in. If I'm paying for a class I'm going to try to get the most out of it that I can. So wish me luck everyone, and I hope you'll join me again on this journey that life is taking me on this year!

30 Things While I'm 30

The blog is being neglected because other things in life are just more important; however I've been thinking a lot about things I want to accomplish during the next 10 months or so. I figured if I made an actual list I might be more likely to complete them because they are out here for everyone to see, so here we go...

1. Buy new work clothes. (I've had most of the same clothes since grad school.)

2. Start and continue using MyFitnessPal.

3. Get back into 150's (which is where I was at before getting pregnant).

4. Take Sammy to the park more (now that he can walk).

5. Go to the zoo with the family.

6. Go to the beach (even if it's in Indiana).

7. Visit baby Liam in Michigan (planned already!)

8. Girls night downtown Chicago

9.  Go to a Jimmy Buffet concert (assuming he is coming to Chicago this year)

10. Camping with the hubby 

11. Treat myself to some self pampering (getting nails done, massage, etc.)

12. Apply for a new job that interests me.

13. Clean and organize our guest bedroom.

14. Take some nice family pictures.

15. Go to the movies

16. Try a new food 

17. Visit Bloomington/Normal friends 

18. Go to a White Sox game

19. Have friends over for a bonfire 

20. Open up an extra retirement saving account 

21. Get a new cat

22. Go to all my friend's baby showers (1 down - 2 to go!)

23. Attend/ be in Cathy's wedding 

24. Go to a comedy club/ show
25. Take my grandma to see her sister. (Also planned already)
26. Go to my family reunion
27. Go to Galena for a mini vacation
28. Do something nice for my mom. (She deserves it and she never treats her herself!)
29. Do something special for our 5th anniversary!
30. Just enjoy life/ try to stress less.

Now many of these things are planned/ going to happen, but the other I will have to make an effort to do! However, see all these things in list form just helps remind me of all the fun to be had this year! 

My Last Day in My 20s

Today marks the last day that I will be 29 years old. Come tomorrow I hit the big 3–0! I'm not sure how I feel about turning 30, but when you hit these milestone birthdays I always pause and try to reflect on all the things that got me to this point in my life.

During my 20's I hit many of the major milestones in ones life. This includes earning three college degrees, finding my first full time job, getting married, buying a house and having a baby! And as a bonus- this blog has many of the milestones documented!

However, this year will be will be a little different without my dad around. Even if he was alive, I probably wouldn't have seen him on my birthday but I know I would have at least got a "Happy Birthday" text or call.
The other night I was thinking about my upcoming birthday, and I remembered that my dad's 30th was also documented- on home video! So this morning I dug out the old VHS tape  and popped it in so Sammy and I could see his grandpa's 30th birthday!

Yeah- I still think Sammy still looks a lot like his mommy with a mix of his daddy's face expressions thrown in!

I hope everyone has a great weekend (mine is starting tonight) and I'll report back on how my 30th birthday treated me!

Sammy's Snow Adventure

 If you live in or around Chicago, you know we were hit with our first snow of the season. Also, you probably saw a lot of people's pictures of the snow. And if you have friends with young kids, you probably saw pictures of your friends kids in the snow. Well- I'm no different than those other parents- I just put my pictures in a blog post.

This is my favorite picture. He just seems amazed by the snow, which is so cute. 

 My boys just hung out in the front yard for a little while, but now that we have a real snowsuit and boots for little man (Thanks Mom A!) I have a feeling the next adventure will be a little more exciting. But here is a short video I took while keep nice and warm inside. 

Photo Blog: Sammy Jay's First Year!

I realized that I have been taking all these monthly pictures, but I wanted to have all of them in one post so you can really see how much he has changed over this first year- so here you go!

 

Sam (and I agree) the biggest change came between his 6 month & 7 month picture.

Also, being this is a "photo blog" I wanted to share some of my favorite pictures of lil man from this first year! The pictures aren't "ranked" but just in timeline order.

He is such a ham! He loves being the center of attention, and with those big brown eyes and his happy/ goofy smile- he normally is! Looking through all my photos it makes me realize how far we have come in just this first year, and I'm look very forward to all the years we have ahead of us!